Relationships have historically been a source of both happiness and challenges; however, with divorce rates nearing 50 per cent, many couples find themselves questioning their choices. Recently, the Mighty Pursuit Podcast featured Jillian Turecki, a certified relationship coach, educator, and author, who provided insights into the complexities of relationships in a society marked by a 50 per cent divorce rate. Jillian offered practical, actionable, and optimistic advice to help individuals understand where they may be going astray and whether failure is an inevitable outcome.

The foundation of relationship difficulties

In discussing the reasons behind the failure of 50 per cent of marriages, Jillian noted, “One reason is that individuals often do not choose their partners wisely; they base their selections on chemistry and the feeling of ‘butterflies’ rather than engaging in crucial discussions about their beliefs regarding a fulfilling life, their views on children, finances, and spirituality. It is essential to explore shared values and to determine how they will navigate challenges together.” The absence of these critical conversations can result in couples entering marriage without a comprehensive understanding of each other's values, aspirations, and deal-breakers. This misalignment can lead to significant conflicts in the future, hindering the relationship's ability to endure the inevitable challenges of life.

Lack of relationship skills and emotional maturity

Even when individuals select an appropriate partner, many still encounter difficulties in sustaining a marriage. Turecki highlighted that a significant contributing factor is the absence of relationship skills. He stated, "Moreover, individuals often lack the necessary skills to maintain a long-term relationship, leading to increased selfishness. Consequently, we become preoccupied with our unmet needs and fail to consider what we are not contributing. This mindset leads to the creation of numerous narratives about our partner. We accumulate resentment, which fosters resistance, and this resistance results in a tense physical state that diminishes mutual attraction. As a result, we lose the drive to fulfil each other's needs, which is indicative of learned helplessness. Ultimately, we may conclude that divorce appears to be the only viable solution."

According to the relationship expert, couples can escape this cycle by redirecting their attention from what they lack to what they can actively bring to the relationship. Fostering emotional resilience, enhancing communication, and engaging in continuous conversations about shared values are essential for achieving long-term success.

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