In a relationship, if we are insecurely attached, it can lead to certain issues. The intense dependency on the partner can be exhausting – slight changes in the partner’s behaviour or mood can trigger us. Most of the time, insecure attachment style conjures up from the innate fear of abandonment. When we come from dysfunctional homes and carry the burden of childhood trauma, the fear of abandonment imbibes in our behavioural and thought patterns. Hence, in adult relationships, insecure attachment style shows up. However, if it starts to hinder emotional growth and intimacy, it can lead to frustration and resentment. 

Therapist Sadaf Siddiqi shared a few ways by which we can be more securely attached in a relationship.

Learn about traumas and triggers:

We need to sit with ourselves and try to become more self-aware of our own emotions, triggers and stressors. The things that have earlier affected our sense of safety should be addressed effectively – only when we can pave the way for a securely attached relationship.

Improve emotional intelligence:

The most essential components of emotional intelligence are being attuned to other people and being attuned to our needs. We should work on managing the intense responses to our traumas – such as shutting down, oversharing, interrupting and not being present in the moment.

Seek connections with secure people:

We need to find our own tribe that can water our growth and help us become better individuals. When we find safe people, we are able to share our emotions without the fear of being judged or criticised for feeling the way we feel.

Improve the connection with self:

One of the main connections that we should work on is the relationship we have with ourselves. We need to change the negative narratives in our minds and build trust with ourselves. We should also work on finding ways to accept and love ourselves, just the way we are.

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