Debina Bonnerjee's advice to Gen-Z: Freeze your eggs while you have the chance
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Embracing motherhood is often regarded as one of the most joyful experiences in a woman’s life. But it can also come with its share of challenges. Imagine the hope of waiting for a positive test, only to face the silence of a negative result or the letdown of a failed IVF cycle. This is a reality that popular Indian actor Debina Bonnerjee faced before she became a mother. The popular actor, who is now a mother of two, has been helping other celebrity mothers open up about their ups and downs in the motherhood journey through her podcast, The Debina Bonnerjee Show. In this She Slays interview with Health Shots, Debina shares own tumultous her journey through pregnancy and how she and her husband Gurmeet Choudhary, stayed strong by not letting societal judgement overpower them.
Debina, best known for her role as Sita in a televised version of Ramayana, is a doting mother to two daughters - Lianna and Divisha, born just a few months apart from each other in 2022. Her joyful moments with her daughters on Instagram, reflect how much she enjoys motherhood every day. Before conceiving, the 41-year-old actress endured a difficult journey with multiple failed IVFs and significant emotional strain. But it was her determination and faith in the divine power that helped her sail through the tough times.
Q. Your pregnancy came after a period of struggle. How did you deal with the physical, psychological, and emotional fallout from unsuccessful IVF and IUI (intrauterine insemination) attempts?
Debina Bonnerjee: When you want something desperately, the physical pain looks negligible in front of the mental trauma. I have learned two important lessons from my experience. First, having knowledge about freezing my eggs at the right time would have made a significant difference. Secondly, I realized that constantly dwelling on the situation only increases the trauma. It is more beneficial to focus on other aspects of life during this process. I always advise those around me who are undergoing in-vitro fertilisation to just sail through it calmly and trust that things will work out in time.
Q. You had also tried several different therapies, such as flower therapy and acupuncture. How did you feel about having no end in sight while receiving these therapies?
Debina Bonnerjee: I can't say with certainty that these therapies directly help in conceiving, but they have been invaluable in helping me manage stress. Acupuncture and flower therapy, in particular, provided significant relaxation and relief from mental strain. Unlike medication, which cannot be used continuously, acupuncture offers a natural way to soothe the nerves. Also, engaging with natural healers and connecting with others in similar situations has been incredibly supportive. Hearing their stories and sharing experiences provides a sense of community, motivation, and reassurance. Overall, maintaining a positive mindset through affirmations has been crucial on this journey.
Q. After experiencing miscarriages or failed IVFs, women tend to place the responsibility on themselves. At that time, did you feel the same way?
Debina Bonnerjee: In society, it is all too common to be labeled, and films often portray women facing judgment when they struggle with conception. This can lead to self-doubt and feelings of inadequacy. But I feel that a more constructive approach is to view it through a medical lens. By understanding it as a medical condition, you can address it more effectively. My husband and I chose this approach, tackling it together as a team. Instead of succumbing to societal stigma, we focused on medical solutions and maintained a rational perspective.
Q. After you announced your second pregnancy soon after your first child, you were subjected to a lot of trolling. How did you cope up with the negativity?
Debina Bonnerjee: I was aware of what I was going through and knew I needed to overcome it. Whether a pregnancy happens today or tomorrow, people would eventually form their own opinions. But my desire to become a mother was profound. When I conceived a second time unexpectedly, I felt it was a sign from God, a reward for my persistent prayers. I remember driving alone after shoots, speaking out loud to myself and to the universe, questioning, "Why is this happening to me?" Over time, I realized that God has a way of responding and often gives us more than we ask for. I realized I am God's child and the fulfillment of my deepest desire was a blessing multiplied. I feel a deep sense of gratitude and respect for this gift.
When I became pregnant for the second time, I felt a divine intervention. It seemed as if God was clearing all the doubts and concerns that had weighed on my mind. So, instead of worrying about societal expectations, it is more important to focus on your own desires and decisions. Have children when and if you feel ready. If you are content with one, that's wonderful. If you wish for more, that's your choice. Ultimately, it's about what feels right for you.
Q. Looking back, what have you learned about yourself through this entire process and how has your perspective on motherhood and family changed?
Debina Bonnerjee: My perspective towards motherhood has changed. In my twenties and early thirties, I was content with my life and didn't feel the urge to have children. Gurmeet and I were happy and enjoying our fabulous life together. But as life happens, perspectives change and eventually, we found ourselves wanting children. That is when I realized that things were not working out. If I had known about egg freezing earlier, I could have avoided the stress and emotional turmoil of trying to conceive later. The pressure I felt during that period would have been avoided if I had frozen my eggs in advance.
I see a strong sense of ambition in today's young women. So, I just want to advice Gen-Z girls to consider freezing your eggs while you have the chance. It doesn't mean you have to become a mother immediately or even at all, but having the option to do so later in life can be incredibly valuable.
Q. How was your support system throughout this journey?
Debina Bonnerjee: My husband was my only support system. If you do not have a supportive husband with you, the whole journey is not worth it. Doing it all by yourself and going through all the physical and mental trauma just to satisfy a man in your life that you can become a mother, is not worth it. If you have a supportive partner, your journey will be easier.
Q. You are currently playing your role as a mother and a full-time content creator. How do you balance your personal and professional life?
Debina Bonnerjee: I feel great and confident because I genuinely enjoy what I do. With my videos, I want to present a balanced view of parenting and not showing just the polished, picture-perfect moments. I try to show the challenges, like toddler tantrums, that are a part of everyday life. By sharing both the highs and lows, I am trying to make parenting more relatable and manageable for others. I hope that this approach helps people see that we are all navigating this journey together and that with patience, care, and a positive attitude, we can handle it all more gracefully.
