It has been around two decades since Neha Bhasin has been dealing with Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder (PMDD) and Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder. But it is only recently that she finally embraced her reality and stopped living in denial. The singer reveals she has felt alone struggling with the disorder and hopes to open a channel of more conversations around the disorder. 

Recently, Neha took to Instagram to reveal her personal health battle with Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder (PMDD) and Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder for the first time. Fibromyalgia was confirmed two years ago.

“After Years of knowing something is off. Finally with more awareness medically today comes the Diagnosis (on paper since 2 years, I have known since I was 20 ) which helps get the right treatments for the mental and hormonal illnesses and with all of this comes major realisation and then THE acceptance that At least for now my nervous system feels broken,” she wrote, adding, “My monthly PMDD still finds a way to throw me in an old dark hole or dig many new ones. Is this my failure? Asks my OCPD.. Flares up what my DR calls Fibromylgia which now I am finally ACCEPTING too”.

On her diagnosis

In an interview with Hindustan Times, Neha spoke about her battle, showing off her scars from the fight with a sense of vulnerability.

“I have been struggling with it for a very long time. Accepting it for me was a very big thing. All these years, I thought maybe I'm just being lazy or I'm just tired. Once you accept it, you stop making excuses to yourself,” Neha tells us.

For her, self-acceptance was the biggest roadblock because she is always chasing perfection, and even finds it difficult to admit that “I am not well”.

“And that is something with which I struggled with the music. The biggest challenge was to accept there is something that I need to deal with and fix,” shares the singer, known for giving hits such as Kut Kut Bajra, Nai Jaana, Jutti Meri, Asalaam-e-Ishqum, Jag Ghumeya and Dhunki.

On dealing with the disorder

The singer reveals that she was 22 when she first found out about the diagnosis. For her, the symptoms are bloating, feeling hungry, feeling tired, losing interest in activities, getting intrusive and self-deprecating thoughts, and a feeling of negative emotions sinking deep in her heart.

“I knew early on that something was wrong. I'm 41 today. But I always dismissed it because there was actually no real study about it. In 2017, I had a very bad episode when I was on a holiday in London with my husband… I remember having bad body aches, knots and an unstable mood. On that trip, I realised that I definitely needed help. I met a doctor and got on the path,” admits Neha.

She adds, “I thought this would go away, and questioned myself what went wrong. The first realisation came in 2017”.

On opening up about now

Talking about opening up about her health battle now, she says, “The reason to talk about it is…I didn’t have anyone to look up to when I was struggling with it. It would have helped me if I knew somebody. I would not have felt so alone in this journey that I felt”.

She wants more people to talk about it so people know that something like this exists and needs attention.

“I am not looking for sympathy from people. I have so much love in my life. I'm surrounded by the best people and the best help in my life. I don't need sympathy. But I feel it is something that we really need to talk about,” Neha asserts.

On getting body shamed

Neha often gets trolled for her weight fluctuations, and there are times she is called out for her attire.

“I'm getting publicly body-shamed for the past one year since I have been on medication. I have kind of braved it. I'm not going to cover my body just because it's not what the world thinks should be,” says the singer.

Neha mentions, “I have suffered from body shaming for almost two decades now, but the past two years have been a bit more intense… I was on hormones and antidepressants, which made me put on weight in the last six or seven months”.

Now, she is more “accepting” of her body. “I'm more accepting of when I'm not feeling good or not feeling like working out. I am definitely having a healthy relationship with food. Am I happy with my situation? No, I am not… But I hope it will get better soon,” she ends.

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