The first step for parents, towards building bonds with their kids, is to understand the importance of adapting communication techniques to each child’s unique personality and developmental needs, especially for children with special needs. Strategies like reflective listening, using playfulness in conversations, encouraging storytelling and non-directive communication foster a safe, open and supportive environment.

In an interview with HT Lifestyle, Monica S Kumar, Social and Development Expert and Founder of BloomBuds ASD Life Trust, suggested the following tips for helping parents effectively connect with their children, promote emotional intelligence and ensure that their children feel heard and understood in a nurturing parent-child relationship -

1. Tailor communication styles to your child’s personality

While age is a major factor in communication, it’s also important to consider each child’s unique personality. Children have different communication preferences, and understanding this allows parents to develop a deeper connection.

• Recognise Individual Communication Needs: For children with special needs, particularly those with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) or ADHD, a customized approach can be even more essential. Many children with ASD find verbal expression challenging, so parents can use techniques like visual aids and social stories to bridge communication gaps. Active listening can be particularly beneficial for children who may struggle with verbal expression. Involving stakeholders, NGOs support parents of children with special needs by providing tools and strategies to enhance active listening, making sure each child is fully understood.

2. Use reflective listening beyond words

Reflective listening is a vital communication tool that goes beyond just paraphrasing what a child says—it also involves recognizing the emotions behind their words and responding accordingly.

• Identify and Label Emotions: When a child talks about an experience, try to identify the emotions behind their words. For example, if they say, “No one played with me at recess,” you could respond with, “It sounds like you felt lonely today.” This not only helps the child feel understood but also helps them develop emotional intelligence by associating emotions with their experiences.
• For children with special needs, such as those on the autism spectrum or with ADHD, emotional recognition can be especially challenging. Programs designed to train parents of children with ASD or ADHD focus on recognizing emotional cues that may not always be verbal. Workshops provided by specialized support organizations educate parents on emotional identification, helping children navigate the complex world of emotions, which is particularly difficult for those who may not communicate their feelings clearly.

3. Incorporate playfulness in conversations

Playfulness can be an effective way to break down barriers in communication with children, especially when dealing with sensitive topics.

• Role-Playing Scenarios: Engaging in role-playing games can make it easier for children to express emotions they find difficult to explain. For instance, using stuffed animals to act out situations can allow children to project their feelings onto the characters, providing insight into their emotional world.
• Humour as an Icebreaker: Light humor can help ease tension during difficult conversations. Sharing a funny anecdote or gently teasing can make children feel more comfortable and willing to talk about their concerns without fear of judgment.
• In specialized programs for children with autism, playful interactions like role-playing games and sensory activities encourage self-expression in ways that words may not. Such activities also help parents and children understand each other’s emotional worlds better, fostering deeper connections.

4. Encourage narrative building

Children’s cognitive and emotional development can benefit greatly from constructing narratives around their experiences. Encouraging children to describe events as stories helps them process emotions and articulate their thoughts more effectively.

• Daily Storytelling Time: Ask open-ended questions that prompt more detail, such as, “What was the best part of your day?” or “How did that make you feel?” This helps children reflect on their emotions and practice communicating them clearly.
• For children with special needs, narrative-building can become a vital tool to help them connect with their experiences and emotions. Therapists often encourage parents of children with ASD and ADHD to engage in structured storytelling activities, where children are given space to process their day in a way that feels safe and accessible. Organizations focusing on ASD provide workshops that teach parents how to engage in non-judgmental and compassionate dialogue, reducing communication barriers for their children.
• Some tools that can help with narrative building are picture cuttings and drawings of different situations and emotions made available to the children with Autism and allow them to touch, relate to those situations, and express their emotions.

5. Focus on non-directive communication

Non-directive communication is a style in which the child leads the conversation while the parent provides support without taking control.

• Let Them Lead the Conversation: When a child starts talking about something important to them, avoid immediately offering advice or solutions. Instead, allow them to explore the topic fully and share their thoughts. This helps build confidence in their ability to communicate openly.
• In cases where children with ASD or ADHD struggle to initiate or lead conversations, non-directive communication strategies can be adapted to allow them to feel in control without pressure. Support organizations provide tailored guidance to parents on how to give their children with special needs the space to express themselves at their own pace, reinforcing their confidence in communicating.

Again, toys and images of different kinds can motivate the children to narrate incidents that otherwise may not be on top of their minds. We can recall when a child with Autism once told us that there is music in the school bus, the seats are blue and the ‘didi’ (support staff) sits with him in the bus.

6. Normalise difficult conversations

Children often shy away from sharing difficult or “taboo” topics because they fear their parents’ reactions. By normalizing these conversations, parents create a safe space where children feel free to discuss anything without fear of judgment or punishment.

Unlike other children, those with special needs, particularly those on the autism spectrum, also find it difficult to discuss uncomfortable or socially complex topics. By promoting open dialogue and ensuring they feel safe to express their thoughts, parents can help children with special needs navigate challenging conversations in a supportive environment.

While casually chatting and playing, we often ask young boys and girls if anyone pushed them, touched them inappropriately, didn’t play with them, etc. The process of normalizing difficult conversations eliminates the fear and taboo.

7. Role of NGOs in supporting parents and children

Organizations dedicated to special needs advocacy serve as a bridge for families, particularly those with children who face unique challenges. By offering practical tools, counseling, and support groups, these organisations help parents navigate the unique challenges of communication. These initiatives ensure that children with special needs can develop healthy, open relationships with their parents.

• Counselling and Emotional Support: Raising children with special needs can sometimes feel isolating for parents. Many NGOs offer emotional support and counseling services to help parents manage the emotional demands of caregiving and foster healthier family dynamics. As parents work towards establishing better communication, it is important to remember that the goal is not perfection but progress. Every conversation is an opportunity to connect, understand, and nurture the relationship with their children, ultimately raising confident and emotionally secure children.

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