Gentle kisses, extended embraces, shared laughter, or simply the comfort of being near a loved one—these experiences may hold greater significance than we often realise. While many believe that the pinnacle of sexual experience is the orgasm, recent research indicates that individuals place a higher value on various aspects of intimacy.

A study published in the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy surveyed nearly 3,000 adults in the United States to uncover what they cherish most about sexual encounters with their partners. Interestingly, only 231 respondents identified orgasms as the highlight, suggesting that contemporary relationships might be reshaping the definition of “good sex.”

Is the pleasure of a partner more significant than the orgasm itself? 

Another indication that sexual experiences extend beyond mere performance is that only 241 participants cited their favourite aspect of sex as the ability to bring pleasure to their partner, whether through oral sex, witnessing their partner's enjoyment, or fulfilling their partner's sexual desires.

Furthermore, more than 300 adults in the United States expressed that their primary enjoyment of sex lies in the emotional connection it fosters, especially when it involves love and care. For these individuals, the experience of orgasms and fulfilling physical desires is secondary to the feelings of being appreciated, desired, and valued during intimate encounters.

This cohort views sex as transcending mere physicality; it serves as a means to strengthen an already profound emotional bond between partners. Nearly 400 US adults indicated that what they value most about sex is the emotional fulfilment it provides, making them feel secure, acknowledged, and connected.

The role of emotional intimacy in enhancing self-esteem and connection

While solitary pleasure certainly has its advantages, Dr. Nicole Cirino, an associate professor of psychiatry at OHSU’s Centre for Women’s Health, notes that sexual activity with a partner can yield more significant emotional benefits, including an increase in self-esteem.

“Engaging in solo sexual activities like masturbation does not trigger the release of as much oxytocin or other mood-enhancing hormones as sex within a loving relationship,” Dr. Cirino explains. The study further reveals that many participants cherish how sex brings them closer to their partner on an intimate level.

Sex provides a distinctive bonding experience; skin-to-skin contact, cuddling, kissing, exploring various positions, and maintaining eye contact are all methods through which couples can connect more deeply. Additionally, the study highlighted that participants value how sexual engagement allows them to be entirely present with their partner, free from external distractions.

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