In our super-connected world today, cheating isn't just about sneaking around anymore. It's shifted from secret meetings to seemingly innocent things like sending flirty messages, late-night chats, or sharing personal moments with people who aren't your official partner.

This kind of sneaky betrayal is known as micro-cheating. While it might seem minor, micro-cheating can seriously damage relationships. Shallu Chawla, the founder and matchmaker at Make My Lagan, discussed what micro-cheating really means and how to handle it in an interview with an Lifestyle Magazine.

What’s it all about?

Micro-cheating isn't just about physical cheating; it also involves emotional connections. It occurs when someone in a serious relationship flirts with the idea of being unfaithful and participates in behaviors that go beyond just flirting, including but not limited to:

- Flirting with a "friend" in a playful way.

- Hiding social media activities, like erasing messages.

- Opening up about personal thoughts and feelings to someone who isn’t their main partner.

- Looking for emotional excitement from others and making an effort to grab their attention.

Micro-cheating can be damaging, but usually, people aren't trying to be sneaky when they act in ways that might be seen as inappropriate. Most folks probably don’t even notice they're crossing lines until it’s too late and their partner gets upset.

A typical example of a fundamental issue

A lot of folks don’t notice when they’re overstepping until it’s already happened. Even if the intentions are good, actions can still wound a partner. Often, these moments get dismissed with comments like “we weren’t doing anything wrong.” This can really damage trust and emotional security.

Emotional detachment can create a sense of secrecy and separation. When couples go through a divorce or breakup, people often focus on the obvious problems, ignoring the deeper issues, such as the emotional impact on their kids. These children might end up feeling isolated and may resort to manipulation to fulfill their emotional needs.

As accountability diminishes, actions that are ethically questionable can seem less significant simply because they aren't against the law. Nowadays, emotional boundaries can easily become unclear. With constant distractions lacking true significance, emotional reactions can seem genuine, even if they lack real depth.

When emotional detachment leads to unseen harm

Emotional detachment, particularly when it comes to negative feelings, can quietly evolve into profound despair. It amplifies insecurities and resentment, creating a widening gap in perception that can be quite damaging.

This allows for:

• Feeling inadequate
• Constantly questioning your emotions or doubting your decisions
• Experiencing fragile yet exhausting relationships
• Having loud outbursts that seem to come from nowhere, filled with intense dislike that lacks real meaning or justification, leaving behind a raw wound attributed to misguided reasoning, lacking both sense and compassion.

Tips for Dealing with Micro-Cheating

1. Establish limits as a team

Think carefully about the situation: every relationship is unique. For some couples, sending casual messages to an ex might seem harmless, while for others, it could feel like a serious violation of trust. The key is to collaborate and avoid jumping to conclusions. Take the time to sit down and talk it out together:

- What actions or behaviors make us feel secure?

- What are the limits that define a friendship versus crossing the line?

- How can we rebuild trust after someone has crossed a boundary?

Empathy allows us to approach situations with kindness instead of aggression. Focus on showing empathy instead of making accusations. Instead of saying, "You shouldn't…," try expressing, "I feel uncomfortable when…" This way, the emphasis is on understanding and support rather than pointing fingers.

2. Move from hiding things to being open and clear

If you're thinking about deleting messages or avoiding saying someone's name in front of your partner, take a moment to pause. Ask yourself, what am I trying to hide? Being open and honest isn't just about not lying; it means having clear conversations and willingly sharing information.

3. Revive your emotional connection

A lot of people find that their emotional needs aren't being fulfilled, which is why micro-cheating tends to happen. Establish a regular check-in routine where you can openly talk about these feelings:

- What are we lacking in our relationship?

- How can we help and support each other emotionally?

4. Ask for assistance if you're feeling stuck

If you're still feeling resentful or if your boundaries are getting blurred, consider bringing in a neutral third party. A couples therapist can assist in addressing unvoiced concerns and help steer you towards more positive relationship habits.

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