Overcoming obsessive thoughts about an individual can prove to be a difficult endeavor; however, relationship coach, podcaster, and author Jillian Turecki asserts that it is indeed achievable. It is important to recognize that the process of overcoming such thoughts requires time, patience, and dedication. One should practice self-compassion and seek assistance when necessary. In a recent discussion with Max Lugavere on his podcast, Jillian was posed the question, “How do we stop obsessing over somebody?”

Signs you are obsessing over someone

Jillian identified several potential reasons for obsessive thoughts regarding another person. She explored various stages of obsession, noting that if one finds themselves fixated on someone they barely know, particularly in the initial stages without any shared history, it may stem from having been single for an extended period without encountering anyone who truly excites them.

She elaborated, stating, “When you meet someone and feel a surge of excitement, it can be compounded by feelings of boredom in your life. You may feel unfulfilled, perhaps due to dissatisfaction with your job or a lack of meaningful experiences. Unbeknownst to you, you might be subconsciously waiting for a relationship to alleviate the monotony of your existence. Upon meeting someone and experiencing chemistry, it can evoke a wonderful sensation.”

'People are obsessed because they're bored'

Jillian further explained that one might perceive the individual as exceptionally intelligent, attractive, or interesting, believing that there is a shared affinity, despite having known them for only a brief period. She emphasized that this person remains a stranger, yet thoughts of them become pervasive, leading to a constant anticipation of communication. According to Jillian, the fixation is often misattributed to the individual in question, when in reality, they symbolize a desire for change in one’s life.

She articulates that they symbolize hope—not the hope for a relationship itself, but rather the hope for love and the desire to escape a life that one finds profoundly uninteresting, which ultimately falls under personal responsibility. It is seldom about the individual in question; thus, the fixation on them can be countered by addressing other underlying issues, such as past traumas. However, the true remedy lies in examining one's current life circumstances. One must consider how much value is placed on a romantic relationship and whether there is a belief that another person can significantly enhance one's life. While it is true that a partner can provide temporary joy at the outset, once the initial excitement fades, one becomes acutely aware of their obsession with another person, who, like everyone else, possesses their own imperfections. Consequently, such obsessions often stem from a sense of boredom.

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