The relationship between parents and children is one of the most essential connections, serving as a cornerstone for a child's emotional and social growth. Central to this relationship is communication, which fosters trust, understanding, and emotional ties.

However, engaging in effective communication between parents and children can sometimes be challenging due to an unseen barrier. Children may often perceive that their parents do not comprehend their feelings, while parents might feel alienated or disconnected from their child's experiences due to a lack of shared information. In some instances, parents may inadvertently pressure their children to express themselves, leading to further withdrawal.

This disconnect can result in mutual frustration, underscoring the necessity of finding strategies to bridge this gap and encourage open, empathetic dialogue.

In a discussion with HT, Prakriti Poddar, the global head of mental health and wellbeing at Roundglass Living, articulated the significance of open communication between parents and children and offered insights on overcoming communication obstacles.

Why open communication is crucial

Prakriti underscored the critical role of communication. Establishing a foundation of transparency and honesty between parents and children enhances their bond, yielding numerous benefits for the child's overall wellbeing.

She pointed out that providing undivided attention and actively listening makes children feel acknowledged and valued.

She stated that research indicates children who feel acknowledged by their parents are better prepared to manage stress and develop healthy relationships in the future. As a parent, your primary responsibility is to nurture a self-assured and capable individual who can make a positive impact on society, and effective communication is one of the most valuable tools at your disposal for fostering your child's development. When children understand that they can discuss any topic with their parents—ranging from a challenging day at school to a complicated social scenario—they are less inclined to suppress their feelings or make hasty decisions driven by fear or uncertainty. Therefore, when your child approaches you with, "Can we talk?" prioritize that moment and allow them to express themselves. Such interactions serve as the foundation for trust and connection that endure throughout their lives.

Why children are hesitant to open up

Children frequently hesitate to fully express themselves to their parents for various reasons. Prakriti clarified that a lack of trust is not the primary concern; instead, there are deeper factors contributing to their reluctance to open up. Prakriti provided a comprehensive analysis of the fears that may inhibit children from sharing their thoughts.

• Previous experiences: Past encounters significantly influence behavior. If children have previously experienced angry reactions or anxiety from their parents, it is understandable that they may withdraw, fearing a similar response. Additionally, some children may choose to hold back to maintain their independence or to avoid conflict.
• Guilt/Fear of repercussions: A child may conceal a poor academic performance out of fear of disappointing their parents, or they may feel embarrassed and anxious about potential overreactions, lack of understanding, or punishment.

How parents can reach out

Prakriti emphasized that the key lies in demonstrating empathy. When parents convey unconditional trust in their children, it creates a sense of safety that encourages children to open up over time.

Prakriti offered several suggestions to alleviate communication barriers between parents and children.

• Provide undivided attention: When a child is expressing themselves, it is essential for parents to eliminate distractions. Avoid multitasking and focus entirely on the child. Frequently, children do not seek advice; they simply desire to be listened to.
• Extend unconditional love: Parents should consistently communicate to their children that they are supportive allies, regardless of the circumstances. This commitment goes beyond occasional affirmations; it involves being present during times of need, whether through a comforting embrace, words of encouragement, or simply being available for conversation.
• Establish a safe environment: This entails creating a space devoid of threats and blame, where children can freely express their thoughts without fear of repercussions. For instance, if a child feels overwhelmed by academic pressures or struggles with a specific subject, parents should assure them that they can approach them without the concern of being judged or reprimanded.
• Embrace vulnerability: Parents should share their own experiences and mistakes. It is important for children to recognize that their parents have also faced challenges and have successfully navigated through them. Demonstrating vulnerability fosters connection and illustrates that errors are not insurmountable.
• Prioritize enjoyable activities: Often, the most meaningful conversations occur during shared activities, such as playing basketball or taking a walk. Engaging in enjoyable experiences together can facilitate open communication, as children may feel less like they are being interrogated. When parents participate in fun activities, it diminishes hierarchical dynamics, allowing children to feel more like equals and encouraging them to express themselves freely.

Handling teenagers

Addressing the challenges of adolescence: The teenage years present difficulties for both adolescents and their parents. Teenagers frequently undergo mood fluctuations, which can complicate parents' efforts to connect with them.

Prakriti elucidated that the prefrontal cortex, the region of the brain responsible for sound decision-making, does not reach full maturity until approximately the age of 25, with boys potentially taking even longer. Consequently, when adolescents respond to situations, it is often their emotional center, the amygdala, that drives their reactions. This can result in impulsive choices, mood fluctuations, and, at times, considerable drama.

However, with empathy, trust, and patience, parents can effectively navigate the challenges of raising teenagers. Prakriti also provided several strategies for engaging with adolescents:

• Establish boundaries collaboratively: Teenagers value having input in decisions that impact their lives, so it is beneficial to involve them in the rule-making process. Clarify the significance of certain boundaries and invite them to express their viewpoints. This cooperative approach fosters a sense of understanding and facilitates the discovery of common ground.
• Acknowledge their achievements: It is important to recognize their efforts and successes, regardless of their scale. Whether they excel in an examination or maintain a hobby, express your pride in a manner that resonates with them. Acknowledgment can have a profound impact.
• Validate their emotions: It is crucial to recognize and affirm their feelings rather than dismiss them. A simple acknowledgment, such as "I can see that this is frustrating for you," can be very meaningful. Given the wide array of emotions teenagers experience, validating these feelings can encourage them to communicate more openly.

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