8 tips to express your feelings freely and clearly
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Feelings are emotional responses to internal or external events. From joy and love to sadness, fear, anger, and frustration, they encompass a wide range of experiences. While emotions are more automatic and biological in nature, feelings are the conscious experiences of those emotions. Feelings can be complex, and so, you may sometimes struggle to share how you feel. But expressing yourself is important for your emotional and mental well-being. It can also improve your relationships with the people you care about. If you get stuck, you can try these tips to express your feelings.
Why do some people find it hard to express their feelings?
Expressing how you feel does not come easily to many people. It can be challenging due to the following reasons:
1. Upbringing
People raised in environments where feelings were not openly discussed may struggle to communicate their emotions. "If emotions were dismissed or punished in childhood, people may learn to suppress them," says psychologist Pallavi Joshi.
2. Fear of vulnerability
Sharing feelings, especially vulnerable ones like sadness or fear, can make people feel exposed. Many people may worry that expressing their emotions may lead to judgment, rejection, or embarrassment.
3. Difficulty in identifying emotions
Some people are not accustomed to recognising their own emotions. "The lack of emotional awareness, also known as alexithymia, can make it hard to put feelings into words," says the expert.
4. Trauma and emotional avoidance
Those who have experienced emotional or physical trauma may avoid expressing their feelings as a defense mechanism. Bottling up emotions can feel safer than revisiting painful memories.
5. Fear of conflict
Some people avoid expressing their feelings to stay away from conflicts. They may fear that being honest about their feelings will create tension in their relationships, leading them to stay silent or downplay how they truly feel.
Why is it important to express how you feel?
Here are some reasons why it is important to share how you feel, instead of bottling up emotions:
1. Mental health benefits
People who suppress their feelings may experience more negative emotions than positive ones, as per research published in the Journal of Affective Disorders in 2012. Keeping emotions bottled up can also lead to anxiety, and depression. "Expressing feelings lets people process and then release them, leading to emotional balance," says the expert.
2. Improved relationships
Open communication about feelings can strengthen your relationship with your partner. By sharing what you feel, you can achieve deeper intimacy with your partner, as per research published in the Global Journal of Health Science in 2016.
3. Reduces stress
Holding on to emotions, especially negative ones like anger or sadness, can create stress and tension. Expressing such feelings can help to release the pressure and reduce the emotional burden on you.
4. Self-understanding
Expressing feelings can help you understand yourself better. When you communicate your emotions, you clarify your thoughts, allowing yourself to reflect on the root causes and gain insight into what you need or want.
5. Healthier coping mechanisms
"People who have no problem in expressing their feelings are more likely to cope with challenges in life in a healthier way," says Joshi. When emotions are acknowledged and expressed, they don’t build up to the point of emotional breakdown.
How to express feelings?
Here are some of the effective ways to express feelings:
1. Talk to someone you trust
Talking to a close friend or family member is one of the most direct ways to express feelings. Sharing your feelings verbally allows you to articulate what is going on inside your mind, which can be a relief in itself. It also allows for validation and support from others. "Trust is key here, as it ensures that the person you choose to confide in will listen to you without any judgment," says the expert.
2. Use a journal
Writing in a journal can be a powerful way to express feelings, especially if you find it hard to talk about them with others. During a 2018 study published in the JMIR Mental Health journal, researchers found an association between journaling and decreased mental distress and increased well-being. Journaling allows for self-reflection and helps people to process complex emotions at their own pace. The act of writing down your feelings can help organise your thoughts, giving you greater clarity.
3. Creative outlets
If you struggle to express feelings through words, creative outlets like drawing, painting, playing music, or dancing can be therapeutic. These forms of expression help release emotions without the need for verbal communication, providing a channel to express what words can’t.
4. Exercise
Physical activities like running, walking or jogging can help release pent-up emotions. "Physical exertion can reduce stress and release endorphins, which can improve mood," says the expert. For some people, exercise becomes a meditative activity that helps them sort through their emotions and gain a sense of calm.
5. Cry
Crying is healthy. It is not a sign of weakness, but a natural and healthy way to release emotions, especially sadness or frustration. Many people feel a sense of relief after crying because it allows them to let go of the emotional buildup they have been holding in.
6. Set boundaries
Sometimes expressing feelings involves setting boundaries with others. If you are feeling overwhelmed or hurt, asserting your needs can be an important way to protect your emotional well-being. Boundary-setting involves telling others how you feel and what you need from them in a given situation.
7. Use “I” statements
"While expressing feelings, using "I" statements can make communication more effective and less confrontational," says Joshi. For example, saying “I feel hurt when you don’t listen to me” is better than “You never listen to me.” This approach makes it clear that you are speaking about your own experience rather than blaming the other person.
8. Seek professional help
Sometimes it is difficult to navigate emotions alone or even with the help of your loved ones. Therapists and counselors are trained to help people explore and express their feelings in a safe environment. Professional help can provide strategies to express and manage emotions more effectively.
Expressing your feelings is good for your mental and emotional health. You can talk, write or use creative outlets to express your feelings. Do it to understand yourself better, reduce stress, and enhance relationships.
